Lori Kottenbrook Parks like a Madwoman!!

Okay, while I'm on the subject of parking cars, I can't end before mentioning my sister-in-law, Lori Kottenbrook. She is by far the most itneresting car parker EVER!! Even her kids joke about it. One day I was taking Lauren and Mary to the mall. I saw a space open close to the entrance so I headed that way. When I got there, a car had taken up two spaces. A motorcycle would've had trouble getting in there. All of a sudden, Mary says, "That guy parked worse than my mom! I didn't think it was possible!"

At this time, I had no idea what she was talking about. So, I asked. Mary proceeded to tell me all about Lori's unusual parking skills. It seems that she has trouble maneuvering her vehicle at a 45 degree turn. So, she ends up splayed across the line in varying angles. I really didn't believe this until I actually went to the mall with Lori a bit later. She came to the intended parking space, cut CLOSE to the next car, and ended up over the front and side lines. Mary slapped me on the back with a "What did I tell ya!" look on her face. We both laughed.

So, if any of you see Lori in the parking lot, watch it!!

*I love you, Lori!!!

An Irony

I posted about my parking last night. This morning, Vaughn informed me that someone must have backed into our Suburban in the parking lot because there was a dent in the back fender area. Wow! All I can say is...It wasn't me!!!

Observation

No one should gripe about my parking unless I hit something.

Continuing Update

December is almost over! I keep thinking...I gotta go to bed cause I gotta go to work tomorrow. Then I remember...I'm on vacation!! Yoo Hoo!

Today was Sunday. It started out a bit rough. Dixie, our yellow lab, pooped all over the carpet by the door to our bedroom. More importantly, the poop was so disgusting and rank that the smell was what woke us up from a dead sleep at 5 a.m. Vaughn was a bit cranky after that. I just lit eight candles, covered my head with the comforter, and went back to sleep.

When I woke up, Vaughn was still cranky. I gave him one of my famous pep talks and he seemed mildly better (although not to the untrained eye!) I made coffee, which was heavenly! I got dressed, changed my shirt, then changed my jewelry. I put on my make-up (cause I didn't want to scare the natives!) Then, I went to church.

I taught my Kid's Church class, which went really well. The story was about how Mary and Joseph left the 12 year old Jesus in Jerusalem for three days! Yup, three days! What was great was that Jesus was astonished that they didn't look for him in the temple in the first place. (So many people lose their kids...and many lose them for more than three days. Some people lose their kids for a lifetime. They don't raise them up in "the way they should go" and they "depart from the straight and narrow way." The thing is...never stop searching for them. You'll eventually find them and with God's help...you'll bring them home.)

After church, I ate an omelette. Then, I went to the Sunflower Market with David. We bought vegetables and whatnot. David caused a mango avalanche while juggling three pieces of the fruit. This bothered him because his OCD couldn't handle the mess. Plus, he couldn't get them to fit back onto the shelf like he wanted. Anyhoo...

I came home and then went to my mom and dad's house. I talked to John about starting a Youth Service on Sundays. Yeah! I looked through my mom's jewelry boxes for some old jewelry that I had misplaced. Found it! By the way, MOM, why don't you ever wear the Kukui Nut necklace that John made you? It's totally unique.

I came home and began the preparations for sushi. Me, Andrew, Donovan Reeves, and Scott Lepelman all made sushi from veggies and ahi tuna. It was good. Fun. All that and more. Vaughn told us that the best thing about sushi was the soy sauce. (Sushi doesn't have soy sauce, he pours it ontop to drown out the flavor of raw fish.) HAHA

Well, that was an overview of a typical Jennifer Sunday. Hope you enjoyed it. I did.

No time to Blog!

Sorry!! I've been so busy that I haven't had time to do anything besides work! Yuck!! Apparently Oct. 11th was the last time I blogged.

Let's see...Halloween was kind of a bummer. I was sick with flu-like symptoms. I laid on the couch until the doorbell rang and passed out little bags of Cheetos. Lot's of CUTE kids, though.

November was... yada yada... Thanksgiving was at my house this year. My family came over and we ate turkey and all the other fattening goodies that go along with it. We had a young man visiting as well. It was lots of fun. Oh yeah, Dixie had her birthday on Thanksgiving. She turned four. Anyway, as usual, I ate Thanksgiving food three times including the actual event. One: The special Ed. kids make a full-out turkey dinner as part of their curriculum. Two: Our church has Sunday dinner before Thanksgiving. Three: The actual day. WOW! That's alot of turkey, folks!

December was good until I got strep throat. Then, I had to start rearranging my schedule. I had to miss a few days of work, but as it turns out, one of them was a snow-day, so I got paid. Nice!

I went shopping yesterday with my mom. She's great! Not many people have the opportunity to say that their mother is a truly great woman, but I can! Love ya, MOM! Anyway, this was our pathway through the mall: Dillards...Macy's...Dillards...AmericanEagle...Buckle....Dillards...Target. We ate lunch at Zio's. If you haven't tried this place, drop what you're doing and go now! Ask for the Super Salad! (Reference story on the NFC Chicks Blog) While in Zio's they give you crayons so I wrote Merry Christmas in about five languages and drew a holly and a frog that said Hoppy Holidays. I'm a fidgeter. When the waiter came, he said, "Oh, you drew some mistletoe!" I said, "No, that's holly. No kisses for you today!" He laughed. He was a little baby...like 20 years old or something. Anyhoo!!

We got a new camera for Christmas (we didn't wrap it cause that's just a bit silly). Ryan is excited because he wants to start taking some local photos for his artwork. He wants to paint some original art. I'm excited.

David changed his major to Spanish with a minor in secondary education. He wants to teach high school Spanish and coach football. Yeah! One of my kids has formulated a life plan! Can anyone say, "Whoop, whoop!"

Well, that's not all but it's all I've got time for. Catch you next time.

I've still got it!

I had to do some in-service classes at the rrmh this week. In my second class of the day, the teacher handed out a fill-in-the-blank form that was to be filled in as we watched a video. I've always been a good note-taker so I wasn't worried. As the video progressed, I would glance down and check on the next question. Well, as I neared the end, I noticed that everyone around my table looked extremely confused and decided to copy off of my paper. It was too hilarious! Then, after the video, I sat there and watched them raise their hands and give the answers (that they had copied from me) to the teacher. It was awesome. I got all the answers right and our table totally rocked the joint! Anyhoo, I guess I've still got some brain cells let after all!

Delirium!

David has been sick. We took him to urgent care where they diagnosed Strep Throat. They gave him some antibiotics, tylenol of some sort, and hydrocodone. Well, over a week later, he was still sick.

Since the poor boy was completely exhausted, I decided to give him one of my Oxycodone pills left over from an accident I had a year ago. Uh...let's just say that I didn't know that Oxycodone is "synthetic morphine".

About thirty minutes after giving him the pill, my daughter and David's girlfriend come running down the stairs in a panic. "David can't talk!" they screamed frantically.

I ran up the stairs to check on him. He was lying on his bed with three fans pointed at him and his chest covered in some sort of talcum powder. I asked what was going on and David lifted his limp hand slightly off the bed and slapped his chest saying, "I'm hoth."

For a moment, I was really scared. Then I remembered the medicine. I remembered that it had made me a bit loopy (although, I have no recollection of running around my bedroom screaming that someone was trying to kill me!)

I told the girls that David was under the influence of a pain pill. Then, I went back downstairs. Well, a few minutes later, I hear hysterical laughter. So, I go back up to check on everything.

Here's what I heard:

Nathan (David's friend): David, can I get you anything?"
David: Yeth, I want thom toasther strudelth with peanut butter insead of icing. And...I want thom Ben and Jerry'th. Dulthe de leche or Apple Pie. (At this point, David is holding his hands in the air pretending to open a tub of ice cream and grinning like a cheshire cat.)
Nathan: "Okay, I'll see what I can do. Oh, by the way, Lauren wants to talk to you." (Lauren is his girlfriend.)
David: "Oh, tell Lauren that if she wanths to talk to me she needths to make a rethervation. I might have stuff going on. I'm a very buthy man."

The crowd, finding this funny, decides to call him.

The phone rings and David picks up: "David Landry's office, David Landry speaking."
Lauren: Hello, David Landry. I'm calling to make a reservation to speak to you."
David: "Oh, who are you?"
Lauren: "I'm Missy Elliot." (Why she said this I don't know)
David: "I know you! I can see you in one hour."
Lauren: "That's awesome."
David: "Before you come, I need to tell you something important. When you come to the front door, there will be two attack kangaroos! I got them in Australia. Be very careful because they might hurt you!"

I'd heard enough and went back downstairs. Later, I returned for one last check-up on my poor son. His friend Nathan was there.

David: Hey, Nathan! Did you know that the left hemisphere of your brain controls the right side of your body? It crosses over...like this!" (David crossed his arms across his chest) "Sorta like what a pirate uses to find his treaure!"
Nathan: "Wow, I didn't know that!
David: "Do you know what pirates buy with their treasure? Talking birds! Hey that's funny! Birds rhymes with words! Anyway, pirates also buy wenches with their treasure!"

There was quite a bit more, but I refuse to print it. After rubbing his chest with Vick's (for reasons unknown), scratching his back, bringing him some water, adjusting the three fans, and rubbing his head...he finally went to sleep. Thank God!!!!!!

Interesting Story from School

One of my little down syndrome kids was getting on the bus the other day. When he sat down, the bus assistant said, "Hey, nice to see you!"

The little boy looked up and said, "Shhhh!" (He likes to shush people.)

The bus assistant said, "It's really not nice to talk to adults like that."

The little boy responded, "F*** You!"

The bus attendant was aghast. Then, after the shock wore off, she started laughing because this cute little fellow was grinning at her like Bambi.

Because she laughed, the little boy proceeded to say the foul word several more times before arriving at his home.

When the bus attendant took him to his dad, she told him that his son had said a bad word. When he asked what word, she spelled it out, "F***".

The father proceeded to lift his hand and hit his forehead, shouting, "Oh, SH**!"

Well, I guess we can figure where he picked the word up, huh?

Ryan's Newest Art- "Umbrellas"

"Umbrellas" by Ryan Landry- Pastels- 18" x 24"

Long Time; No Blog

I meant to blog, but a combination of things happened. My computer goes on strike every Saturday which is my day off. I can't get the internet all day. It's really weird. Then, last week, I started back to work.

I think that we're going to have a really good year. I love the kids so far, even though it promises to be more work. Three in wheelchairs and four with special needs. Despite it all, I really enjoy my work.

So, now that I am back at work, you wonder what I accomplished this summer? Not much. Just kidding. I did one very significant thing; I finished my second novel. YEAH!!! I've started on the third. Now all I have to do is sell one.

Another thing Vaughn and I did was to encourage our son, Andrew, to pursue his music career. He has since met with a producer and is in the process of cutting a demo with his friend and bandmate, Scott Leppelman.

I also prodded Ryan on to good works. He has just finished his first pastel landscape. I will post it as soon as I find my camera. It is a picture of a beach with a bunch of people grouped under some red and white umbrellas. It's awesome!

David got a job this summer and seems to be doing well. He has a girlfriend named Lauren. So, there are two Laurens in the house.

Lauren did alot of reading and preparing for the school year. She is an amazing girl. She went from not being able to read at all to reading at almost her grade level in less than four years. She is dyslexic.

Anyway, I'll come back later with more details.

The Visitation

We spent a nice week visiting with my parents. They stayed with us while my sister-in-law's family was in town. Lori was really happy to see them after a year apart. I know she'll miss them alot. We love you, Lori!

Well, after a week with mom and dad, I've come to realize certain things:

1. All my driving skills were inherited from my mother.

2. All my backseat driving skills were inherited from...my mother.

3. My Dad NEEDS Cable TV.

4. Once you hit 60, it takes 3 or 4 viewings to actually finish a movie. (Something about bright light emitted from a screen induces sleep.)

5. Brushing and flossing your teeth is extremely important or they will literally fall out of your mouth.

6. My mother can name every actor/actress to ever live but she can't find her way to the doctor's office.

7. My Dad has the largest vocabulary on the planet, but can't tell you the difference between the spellings of to, two, and too.

8. I inherited my tendency to trip, fall, and smash my body into hard objects from my mother.

The main thing I learned about myself was that I have the greatest mom and dad in the whole wide world.

Black Eyes and Birthdays

Sorry that I haven't blogged lately, but I've been busy, busy, busy!!!

Where to begin? Our visiting group from Mississippi had a good time. They were a nice bunch of young people and I really enjoyed having them here. I got a huge kick out of one young man. He kept on asking if he was going to see any New Mexican cows. I wasn't really sure if there were any cows in New Mexico. Finally, on our way to Santa Fe, he saw two rather scrawny cows in a field by the interstate. He was very excited!

Another thing that happened to me while they were here was I gave myself a black eye. Yes, a black eye! I opened the car door too quickly, lost my grip on the handle, and it smacked me in my right eye socket. It's almost well now. But, I had a pretty nice shiner there for about a week.

The day that the group left, my sister-in-law's family drove in from Mississippi. This meant that my mom and dad would be staying with me for the duration. I've enjoyed having them here with me. We've been doing geezerly things like watching Bob Newhart and Sherlock Holmes. Dad announced the other day that if he ever came to live with me, we would HAVE to get cable. (We cancelled it about three months ago.)

Oh yeah, Vaughn had his birthday last week. He turned....Ha! You thought I was going to tell you! No way, he's the same age as I am. Not gonna happen. Anyway,Vaughn had a very prolonged birthday celebration. I guess we will call it Vaughns birth"week". On his actual day, I made crawfish enchiladas. It was dee-licious. The next day, my mom made him a New York-style cheesecake. It was faaan-tastic. The next day, I gave him his present: a bag of golf goodies. My favorite was the "Caddyshack" gopher club cover. Too cute! He played golf with Jeff,my sister-in-law's nephew-in-law. The next day we went to a barbeque at our good friends' James and Linda's house. Ribs to die for! The next day, Sunday, we had a birthday cookout at our house with Lori's family. Vaughn had a carrot cake with candles and everything. It was funny cause I put candles on his cake, but I put the wrong age. So, he lost two years. At our age, that's a good thing, right? Today, we ain't doing nuttin! Party's over!

Tomorrow I have to register Lauren. She will officially be in High School. No way! It's too soon. I'm not ready! She's still my sweet baby. My six-foot-one fourteen year old princess. My little sunshine. Time flies, so enjoy every last second of every single day, folks.

I start back to work at the Mid-High on the 8th of August. Boo-hoo! It took me a month to get used to not working. I nearly went nuts with boredom. Then, I got used to it and started to like being home agian. Now, I've gotta go back and I don't want to. Life plays such cruel jokes on you, doesn't it?

Well, I know there's more, but I'm out of time. Have a good one!

Prayer for Gerri

For those of you who don't know, Gerri Hungate's father passed away. Please be praying for her and her family during their time of loss.

Vistitors

We had a group of young people come in on Thursday afternoon to visit our church. They are from Philadelphia, Mississippi, and the surrounding areas. Last night, they joined my boys at midnight to watch the premiere of "The Dark Knight". Everyone gave it two thumbs up. Today, they did a tour of ABQ and took the tram up to the top of the mountain. They seem to be having fun. The leader of this group, Phillip Prince, has been helping us finance the church plant here in Rio Rancho.

This morning, another group came into town from Mississippi: the Switzer family. Jeff Switzer is a pastor that we met while living down there in Philadelphia. He and his church have been helping to finance our church plant here as well. Be praying for him. While they were in Pagosa Springs, CO, Jeff's brother had to go to the hospital with an ongoing migraine. Unfortunately, he found out that he has a tumor in his right-frontal lobe. He is a new Christian and needs all the prayer that he can get at this dire time in his life. Be praying for Jeff as he supports his brother through this time as well.

Book Review-"Cross" by James Patterson

This book was very good. I'd say four out of five stars.



Alex Cross has been tortured for ten years by the murder of his wife. Several questions haunt him: "Was her death actually intended for him?" and "Was there something he could have done to prevent it?" As Alex attempts to crack a serial rape/murder case, he uncovers information that leads him to believe that the culprit is also responsible for the death of his wife, Maria.

The story is fluid. The plot builds up to the "I can't put it down" stage. The ending is satisfactory, especially the last sentence. This particular villain is particularly brutal and there is some bad language.

If you like thrillers, this is a good one. Warning: if you have never read a Patterson book starring Alex Cross, don't start with this one. Try to read them in order.

The Infernal Internet

Computers are the bane of my existence. I can't seem to conquer the hold that it has over me. I sit down and wiggle the mouse and nothing happens! I click some buttons. Nothing! I slam the side of the monitor with my fist. Still nothing! It's the most frustrating contraption ever invented,except for the VCR/DVD with remote. I can't even set the right time on my remote! Forget recording something. I can't even figure out how to get the stupid little trap door open to insert new batteries. AHHHGG!

This morning, I couldn't get online. I tried five times on the computer in my room and nothing. I screamed, "Vaughn....." He came running like an EMT at a wreck. I told him my dilema, which he didn't seem to understand. He sat down and tapped some buttons and he was online. "There's nothing wrong with your computer," he said. Great! He leaves and ten more minutes later, I'm still trying to get online. Finally, I leave my blasted computer and go downstairs to use the laptop. Same thing! I try to log on and it won't admit me. I scream, "Vaughn...." He comes running, less enthusiastically this time. I explain that I cannot log on to the itnernet. Something is wrong with the laptop. He sits down and taps a few buttons. BAM! He's online. "Nothing is wrong with the laptop," he says. AHHHHGG!

I'm not really sure I can prove it, but there is a conspiracy to drive me crazy. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that someone isn't really after you, right?

The Flea Market

Why, oh why, do they have to call it a FLEA market? It gives me visions of old junk with bugs imbedded into the nooks and crannys and folds. If you've ever had an encounter with actual fleas, you would know that these are not one of the CUTE bugs. They are annoying. They bite. They carry disease. They are ugly! When's the last time you heard of a "Flea Farm"? No, no one likes fleas, not even little kids. Why can't they call the market something more attractive; like the Ladybug Market or the Butterfly Market? That sounds so much more inviting. Anyway....

I went to the ABQ Flea Market yesterday with my mom and my friend, Linda Brower. It was really a fun day. I was surprised to find a few things of interest. I was actually too cheap to buy them, but I was interested.

The first thing I saw was a very cool plant stand. It had all sorts of potted plants that I'd never seen before. Not necesarily rare, just unusual. It reminded me of my childhood trips with my family to the Ewa Beach Flea Market. I'm not sure but they might have called it a Swap Meet. This was a very fun outing for me. I ALWAYS bought a plant, which might have been consisered odd for an eight year old. I remember collecting the plants and putting them in the window sill in my bedroom. I had a pretty nice garden in there before it was all said and done.

The second thing I saw was a box of old LP's (vinyl records). These inscluded Louis Armstrong, Patsy Cline, Gene Krupa, and quite a few others. I wanted them all! I nearly bought the Patsy Cline for Vaughn, who is a big fan, but allowed my cheapness to win out.

Linda found all sorts of cool stuff. Garden statuary & two paintings for ten dollars. My mom bought me a turqouise necklace and she found a dual deck cassette recorder for twenty bucks, which was awesome because they had been looking to buy a new one for over a hundred dollars. They both bought stuff from the vegetable & fruit vendors. Not me, I'm just too cheap.

Then, after we left the flea market, we went to ABQ Uptown. We went to a restaraunt with "Elephant" in the name. I can't remember the name of that place to save my life! I ate Macadamia-encrusted mahi-mahi with coleslaw and french fried sweet potatoes. It was good! If you're ever in the area, try out the restaraunt with "Elephant" in the name.

Anyhoo, I had a nice day. I hope that everyone enjoyed their weekend too.

Book Review- Step on a Crack

This was a very good book. At first, it was hard for me to get into the main character, Detective Matthews. I was having a hard time not comparing him to Alex Cross. In the end, the nice-guy detective with a dying wife and ten adopted kids grew on me.

The premise of the book is an overwrought detective dealing with a private as well as a very public crisis. Detective Matthews' wife is in the hospital dying of cancer. He is trying to deal with caring for his ten kids. Then, all of a sudden, he is called in two days before Christmas with a crisis at St. Patricks' Cathedral in Manhattan. The church is playing host to the funeral of a former First Lady when it is taken over by a band of criminals. The high profile celebrities and politicians that were attending the funeral are held hostage for an immense amount of ransom.

The book has an interesting plot and a very satisfying end. If you're looking for a good thriller, this one would do just fine.

The "Plan Man"

I got up this morning with an okay attitude. I went downstairs to make some coffee. This is a must for me to gain full consciousness. Then, I waited. Every morning without fail, Vaughn announces some sort of "project" for the day. Today was no different. "We are moving all the furniture into different rooms today," he finally announced. YEAH!!!!

The boys are home for this semester, so we are putting their furniture back into their original rooms. Lots of work! To make a long story short, I stayed in my bedroom writing in my book. They were more or less done when I finally checked on them. Hey! Don't give me that look! I made them lunch! Pasta with cheese sauce...homemade no less.

Anyway, yesterday we were talking with Andrew. He was a bit discouraged, so we gave him a pep talk. And, as usual, the final words out of Vaughn's mouth are..."Your life would be easier if you had a day-planner." That is when I gave him his new nickname, The Plan-Man.

I'll never use a day-timer. I barely recognize a calendar when I see it. I ask Vaughn to inform me of what is happening a day ahead so that I can prepare myself. It drives him nuts! But, I'm an artistic soul. I hate being put into the confines of a schedule. So, I just wing it.

This way of life doesn't always work out, but I have way more fun. Imagine the surprise when 25 guests show up hungry and I wasn't expecting it! Wow, now that's fun! Anyway, if you ever want to know anything "specific" about our family schedule or the church schedule, you might ought to ask Vaughn. Although, this might not work because certain times and dates come from me. So, anything goes, right?

So, my advise is to call The Plan Man. It will almost always be close to being correct.

They Ruined It!

Yesterday, I was rendered completely useless by a severe neck and head ache. I stayed home from church and slept. When I wasn't sleeping, I watched movies. (And, because of the pain, I think I was a bit on the grouchy side.)

Anyway, while one of the movies I watched yesterday was really good, the other left a little something to be desired. This fact got me to thinking about movies in general. For example, many of us loved the X-Men comics as kids. Storm was one of my favorite characters because she was so....powerful! Then, the movie comes along and this happens: THE SCENE: Storm finally gets the upper hand during a fight with fellow mutant Toad and she delivers the worst line in action hero history. THE LINE: ''You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.'' Yeah...whatever!! My dog Dixie could've cme up with a better zinger than THAT!

For your enjoyment, here are some other stupid movie lines:

1. "I'm the king of the world!" - JACK DAWSON (Leonardo DiCaprio) with young ROSE DEWITT BUKATER (Kate Winslet) in Titanic (1997)
2. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." - JOHNNY CASTLE (Patrick Swayze) about FRANCES "BABY" HOUSEMAN (Jennifer Grey) in Dirty Dancing (1987)
3. "Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed." - CARRIE (Andie MacDowell) to CHARLES (Hugh Grant) in Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
4. "I love you." "Ditto." - MOLLY JENSEN (Demi Moore) and SAM WHEAT (Patrick Swayze) in Ghost (1990)
5. "You can be my wingman any time."- TOM KASANZKY (Val Kilmer) to LT. PETE MITCHELL (Tom Cruise) in Top Gun (1986)
6. "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her." - ANNA SCOTT (Julia Roberts) to WILLIAM THACKER (Hugh Grant) in Notting Hill (1999)
7. "Today we celebrate our Independence Day."- US President THOMAS J. WHITMORE (Bill Pullman) in Independence Day (1996)
8. "They make take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!"- WILLIAM WALLACE (Mel Gibson) in Braveheart (1995)
9. "You had me at hello."- DOROTHY BOYD (Renee Zellweger) to JERRY MAGUIRE (Tom Cruise) in Jerry Maguire (1996)
10. "You're a godsend, a saviour." "No, I'm a postman."- A BLIND WOMAN to the POSTMAN (Kevin Costner) in The Postman (1997)

Feel free to add your own in the comment column.

4th of July

We had a great party last night! Thanks to everyone who came. I hope that you enjoyed the food, fireworks, and performance by the boys.

The Gym

I've noticed a few funny things since going to the gym. People don't always follow a correct exercise regimen. The results of their body shape give them away every time.

For example, there are the "Storks". They work out their upper body until they have chests and arms like Arnold Schwartzenneger. But, their hips and legs look like matchsticks. A really heavy breeze comes by and those guys will topple over.

Then, there are the "Beachballs". They come in with muscular arms and legs, but their stomach is as big around as they are tall. I'm not really sure that their crunches are in equal ratio with their beer consumption.

Next, there are the "Matchsticks". They are the naturally skinny guys who come in just to work on their biceps. They have these two little lumps protruding from beneath their extremely pale skin and they do upwards of 1,000 biceps curls to show them off.

Then, there are the "Chameleons". These guys are unassuming and don't really seem to be super fit until they shimmy their shoulders under that enormous barbell with 2,000 pounds on it and squat it five or six times. Sheesh!

Also, there are the "Saddlebags". These guys have worked their legs out so hard and long that they look like they have shoved two pork roasts into the legs of their shorts. Their thighs are so enormous that they sway like 'John Wayne after a cattle drive' when they walk.

Finally, there are the "Neanderthals". These guys are benchpress junkies. They have worked out their chests without paying any attention to their backs. So, their muscles pull their shoulders forwards making them look like the missing link.

Not that I should boast of my figure, which I like to call "Aging Sharpei". But, hey, you notice stuff, right?

Scrabble

I am the world's best and worst Scrabble player. I would be the best if I could just stop myself from helping my opponents. I just can't stand to see people squirming around with their jumble of tiles. So, I look over and point out a way to make fifty points on a triple word score. I know, I'm totally lame!

Vaughn, David, Lauren (D's friend), and I played tonight. Vaughn won. He called himself the Scrabble Champ. I was like...whatever! I guess he forgot how I helped him get thrity-two points on a word. Really, I think he was just prodding me because I wouldn't let him use the non-existent word "iradical" on a double word space.

Ryan came in briefly to help Lauren. That was rich! He tried to get her to put the word reason down...only it was spelled "reizen". This led me to realize that I am a total failure as a home-school teacher! My kids can't spell and Ryan still has to use a digital clock to tell time. Andrew only recently memorized the months in order. It's like they were raised in the jungle or something. Oh wait...they were raised in the jungle!

Anyway, next time I play Scrabble, I'm playing to win...unless someone looks really pathetic.

Book Review: The Cat Who...

I finished the Cat Who Could Turn On and Off. It was the third book written by Lilian Jackson Braun. Her early books are fantastic. They were written in the mid-sixties and have a real intelligence behind them. Her main character, Jim Qwilleran, is a crime reporter that has been demoted to the home interior beat of a local newspaper. He has two adopted cats Koko and Yum Yum.

In the last book, Qwilleran moves into a dilapidated neighborhood known as Junktown. He takes a second story apartment over an antique store. When the proprietor meets an unusual death, he begins to suspect murder.

It is one of her best novels. I give it five out of five fluffy stars.

*Keep ion mind that this series is a teacup novel. A fluff mystery.

Two Scoop Rule

Well, tonight we baked our pie. While it cooked, we sat out on the backporch with the kids and talked about silly stuff like...how much the kids owe for their insurance, how I wake up yelling when I dream, and how Andrew once thought he saw baby possums in the fireplace (turns out he was hallucinating on benadryl...long story).

Anyway, once the pie was done, I called everyone into the house. Of course, the boys came running in like a pack of starving vultures and encircled the kitchen island like it was a piece of dead meat. I dished out the pie and they began to take turns scooping their ice cream.

Meanwhile, Vaughn has been "jonesing" for pie all day. He is at the back of the line and becoming impatient. So, he yells, "Okay, you guys hurry up!" Although I'm sure it made him feel better, the yelling didn't move the line along any faster. So, he finally shouts, "Okay, you're taking too long. From now on, you get two scoops then you move away from the bucket!"

Apparently we have a new "two scoop" rule at our house (just in case any of you come over for pie and ice cream). It's not that you can't have more than two scoops; you just can't have more than two scoops AT A TIME!

Cherry Pie

Last night, we were watching this old TV show called Twin Peaks. The main character of the show is obssessed with coffee and pie. Well, about halfway through the episode, the woman at the cafe gave the guy some cherry pie. Vaughn and I looked at each other and said almost simultaneously, "Wouldn't it be great if we had some pie?"

We paused the TV and went to the freezer. I was pretty sure that we had leftover pie crust from Christmas. Alas, it's was gone! But, I founnd a package of frozen peaches. Peach pie sounds good. But, I'm in no mood to actually MAKE pie crust. So, we go back to the TV.

A little later, the boys came home and we have another idea. Send them to Walmart for pie! Well, David and Ryan get into the car armed with our debit card and instructions to buy a cherry pie. Thirty minutes later, they both come home with a cherry pie. Sara Lee. FROZEN!!

Oh, well. We were too tired to bake a frozen pie so we went to bed.

But, TONIGHT THE PIE IS ON!

Why I never had a date until I was 16 1.2- Part Two

When I was fifteen, I had a HUGE crush on a boy named Kalani Wheeler. He was a very cute Hawaiian boy. One day, I put on my cutest pink gingham shorts and a tank top and went to the park. I was hoping that Kalani would notice how cute I was.

Anyway, when I got there Kalani was playing soccer with a little boy from the neighborhood. Unfortunately, my achilles heel was sports. I was a tomboy who loved to play to win. So, Kalani asked me if I wanted to play with them.

Me, being the total dork that I was, said YES!

While the game got rowdier and rowdier, my short got stinkier and sweatier. Very attractive!

Suddenly, the little boy tried to do a quick turn but didn't realize I had run up behind him. He slammed into me and fell in a heap on the ground.

Kalani ran over to him and pulled him up. He said, "WHOAH! That was kinda like hitting a brick wall!"

I was moritified. I just turned the shade of my sweaty shorts and left the field. I never did have a date with Kalani, but it's okay. He turned out to be tall and gangly anyway.

Ryan's Birthday

Happy Birthday to my son, Ryan. He turned twenty-one today. He was a big baby, 9 lbs. 14 oz.! We're very proud of him and his many achievements.

I've Let Go

This is one of Andrew's first poems. He wrote it in the summer of his Junior year in High School.

"I’ve let go and given in so easily.
I heard your warning fall softly on my ears.
I cant say that I put up much of a fight for you.
I’ve fallen farther away these past few years.

I have no bravery, I have no faith.
I’m a long, long, way from moving mountains.
Have mercy on a fool today, that’s all I pray.
This dried out mouth longs for a fountain.

I’ve stumbled and fallen underneath your sun.
I’ve stumbled and fallen in your light.
I’ve tried to make up for all the things I’ve done.
But only nails and thorns can make it right."

Why I never had a date until I was 16 1/2- Part One

Reason #1

When I was in the fifth grade, we moved to this neighborhood where I met my "dream boy". His name was Glynn Futch. Yeah, I know! Anyway, I had this huge crush on him, but he was always "going steady" with someone more worldy-wise than me. That summer, he had been going steady with a girl named Lisa, who was prone to wearing short-shorts and tube-tops, but they suddenly broke up.

My friend, who lived nearby, knew that I had this crush so she dedcided to tell him. Well, not long after that, he approached me and asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. At first, I felt like my tongue had swolen and I couldn't talk.

Finally, I sputtered, "Yes!"

He looked at me with a big grin. Then he said, "Okay. Now that you're my girlfriend, you have to kiss me."

I hadn't banked on that!

I said, "No, I won't kiss you!"
He said, "Oh yes you will!"
I said, "Over my dead body!"

At that moment, he lunged for me. What he didn't know was that I was as fast as greased lightning. He chased me all over the neighborhood, but was unable to catch me. At last, I made my way home and escaped. He grossed me out, like totally!

Not long after that, I moved to a new neighborhood. The entire summer passed. Then, I saw him one day at school and he said, "Hey Jennifer! Remember me...Glynn Futch! Are we still going steady?"

I just looked at him like he was crazy! Some people just can't deal with "the one that got away".

Reason #2

When I was in the sixth grade, I had this secret crush on a boy named Jamie Spillers. As usual, there seemed to be a trend in the boy's I liked. They always had girlfriends who were a bit more "experienced" in the boy/girl world. He was going steady with a girl named Dina West.

Somehow, this boy in my class named Randy figured out that I liked Jamie. (*Note: Randy's claim to fame was that he could immitate a grunting, gyrating Elvis to a tee.) So, he decided to tell him. Well, I was sitting on a bench at recess, minding my own business, when Jamie walks up. He says, "I heard you like me. I'm really sorry cause your're a really nice girl, but I'm going steady with Dina right now. No hard feelings, right?"

I just stared at him in dumbfounded shock.

I said, "Who told you that I liked you?"
He said, "Randy White."
I said, "He's gonna die!"

All day long, people came up to me and pointed the finger.
"You like Jamie!" they taunted and laughed.

Well, after school, I stopped Randy White on the way to the bus.

I asked him, "Did you tell Jamie Spillers that I like him?"
He replied, "Yes."
I asked him, "Why did you do it?"
He replied, "I don't know."

With that, I proceeded to beat him half to death with my backpack. I beat him until the bus bell rang. I finally let him go and hopped on my bus.

The next day, he informed me through his bruised face that he had missed his bus and everyone was making fun of him because he got beat up by a girl.

He apologized and I forgave him, but my reputation as a loser was pretty much solidified.

Be Reasonable!

Reason is a way of thinking characterized by logic, analysis, and synthesis. It is often contrasted with emotionalism, which is thinking driven by desire, passion, or prejudice. Reason attempts to discover what is truebor what is best. Reason often follows a chain of cause and effect, and the word "reason" can be a synynom for "cause".

An underdeveloped sense of reasoning is unable to disassociate itself from the actions or words of others. This person has remained in the child-like realm of egoism. A child perceives that everything and everyone revolves around them. They suppose that all actions and words are a direct result of their presence.

As reasonable adults, we should be able to disassociate ourselves from the behavior of others. If a person deviates from their normal behavior pattern, an underdeveloped sense of reason will instantly analyze the situation from a personal standpoint. For example, they will say, "This person has never really liked me. I wonder if I've said or done something to offend them. This person has always been out to get me."

On the other hand, a reasonable person meets with a deviated behavior pattern from an impersonal standpoint. They say, "This person has experienced a stressful situation before meeting up with me. This person is having an emotionally challenging day. This person is experiencing difficulty at home or work." They immediately reason that the cause is not personal.

Anger is one of the main oppositions to reasonable thought. Anger is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage. Some view anger as part of the "fight or flight" brain response to the perceived threat of pain. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to stop the threatening behavior of another outside force.

An underdeveloped sense of reason will come to the conclusion that a change in behavior is personal. Because of this, their brain immediately expects imminent emotional or physical pain. Then, anger begins to rise as a defensive response to the possibility of pain. Once anger is present, all reasonable thought is gone. The fight or flight response is in total control.

Christians have an advantage on most people. The Spirit of God dwells in our hearts and minds. The Bible says that God is all-knowing. If this is so, then we should be able to rely on his guidance to make reasonable conclusions when dealing with others. His compassion and love should lead us to examine the offensive person in a non-personal way. We should ask ourselves, What is really bothering them? What can I do to help?

Just remember, people have deep, emotional problems that have nothing to do with us. People are basically the sum of their life experiences. One little word or action could trigger a devastating memory or feeling causing them great pain. It is our job to stop and consider them on a deeper level. Their behavior is usually a result of something far deeper than we could ever imagine. And...usually...it has absolutely nothing to do with us.

In the end: I think that we should consider one another through the eyes of God. We should look deeper for the cause and try to ignore the effect. People are precious and need our help and understanding.

Kids at Home

I was going to write a small excerpt on my kids living at home, but I think this sign I found online says it all.

Global Warming

I've given alot of thought about how we could solve the global warming problem.

Here is my idea: For one whole month, we should ban all actors, actresses, singers, talk-show hosts, newscasters, disc-jockeys, politicians and lawyers from speaking. The sudden drop in HOT AIR would cool the global temperature by ten degrees!!

Life with Father

Life with Father by Clarence Day is one of my favorite books. The story was written by the son of a Wall Street financier at the turn of the twentieth century. The young man's father was very strict and a bit pig-headed. It typifies the Victorian mentality to the nines! It was also made into a movie. I'll post more info on the movie later.

For your enjoyment, I have written a few of my favorite lines from the book.

(Because father was so difficult, the maids continually quit. One day he decides to go to the agency and hire a maid of his own choice)
Maid Service Proprietor: Sir, before I can let any girl go from this establishment, I must know the character of the home in which she will be employed.

Father: Madam, “I” am the character of my home.

(The family attended church every Sunday except for father. He was always becoming entangled in frustrating situations with the local reverend.)
Rev. Dr. Lloyd: After considerable thought, we voted that our supporting members should each contribute a sum equal to the cost of their pew.

Father: I paid $5,000 for that pew.

Vinnie (mother): Yes, Clare, that makes our contribution $5,000.

Father: That's robbery. Do you know what that pew is worth today? $3,000. That's what the last one sold for. I've taken a dead loss on that pew of $2,000 already. Frank Bags sold me that pew when the market was at its peak. He knew when to get out. And I'm warning you, Vinnie. If the market ever goes up, I'm going to unload that pew!

Rev. Dr. Lloyd: Mrs. Day, your husband is a practical man. We've had to be practical about the new church. We have all the facts and figures.

Father: Oh? What's the property worth where we are now?

Rev. Dr. Lloyd: Oh, let's see. Is it $40,000? I know the figure has a four in it.

Father: What's the new piece of property going to cost you?

Rev. Dr. Lloyd: I think the figure I heard mentioned was $85,000. Or was it $185,000?

Father: Dr. Lloyd, you preach that someday, we'll all have to answer to God.

Rev. Dr. Lloyd: We shall indeed.

Father: Well, I hope God doesn't ask you any questions with figures in them!

(Clarence griping about Vinnie's cousins dropping in for an extended visit)
Vinnie: But Clare, they're just staying in that little room of Clarence's.

Father: The trouble is, they don't stay there. They stay in the bathroom. Every time I want to take a bath, it's full of giggling females washing their hair!

(Clarence Jr. discussing religious music)
Cousin Mary: That's funny. The words are the same, but it's the wrong tune.

Clarence Jr.: Oh, it can't be the wrong tune. We sing it exactly that way in church.

Cousin Mary: We don't sing it that way in the Methodist Church. You see, we're Methodist.

Clarence Jr.: Oh, that's too bad. Oh, I don't mean it's too bad that you're a Methodist. Anybody's got a right to be anything they want, but what I mean is, we're... “Episcopalians”.

(Complaining about his wife's insistence that he go to church)
Father: I don't go to church to be preached at as though I were some lost sheep.

Vinnie: Clare, you don't seem to understand what the Church is for.

Father: Vinnie, if there's one place the Church should leave alone, it's a man's soul!

(Father gripes about his wife's spending habits)

Vinnie: I do the best I can to keep down expenses. You know yourself Cousin Phoebe spends twice as much as we do.

Father: Don't talk to me about your cousin Phoebe.

Vinnie: You talk about your own relatives enough.

Father: That's not fair, Vinnie. When I talk about my relatives, I criticize them.

(Admonishing Clarence Jr. to work hard to earn a living)
Father: Work never hurt anyone. It's good for them. But if you're going to work, work hard. King Solomon had the right idea about work. "Whatever thy hand findest to do," Solomon said, "do thy doggonedest."

(Mother after receiving a gift after father insulted her)
Vinnie: That's the loveliest ring you ever bought me. Now that I have this, you needn't buy me any more rings.

Father: Well, if you don't want anymore ...

Vinnie: What I'd really like now is a nice diamond necklace.

Party Time

Andrew's birthday is June 16th. Ryan's birthday is June 27th. It only seems logical that we celebrate both birthdays on the same day. So, we did.

We had a little family reunion with a few neighbors as well. Vaughn grilled steak. I burned an entire loaf of french bread until it looked like a scorched log. Dixie did her tricks for everyone that came in. Andrew and Scott entertained us with music. Vaughn told our life story to anyone that hadn't heard it yet (Anyone who has been to our house knows about the picture tour). Lauren and Mary ran around like a couple of teen drama queens. Benjamin looked for two triple-A batteries for most of the day so he could play video games (I don't think he ever found any). David talked to his friend Lauren on the phone all day (He says she's not his girlfriend...I say...Do I really look that stupid?). Ryan walked around mumbling to himself and making cryptic jokes. (Don't worry, it's normal). Lori and I tweaked her blogspot (ask her for the address). John and I acted like immature siblings...making faces until one of us laughed and telling stupid jokes to each other (some of the stuff is so ridiculously "just between us" that no one else knows what we're talking about half the time). Kathy Leppelman came over and had a very interesting discussion with Vaughn, David, and Scott about Jackrabbit Fever (I believe there is some controversy over range-fed vs. farm raised Jackrabbits.)

In the end, we all watched the boys blow out the 42 candles on the cake (Andrew turned 23 and Ryan turned 21). I put 21 candles on one side and 23 on the other. The two boys sat across the table from each other and basically blew smoke into each others faces. It was classic!! Then we ate cake and walked around with blue teeth. We all looked like we'd eaten a batch of Smurfs!

Over all, it was a very good day. My dad said that he had fun. So, that must mean that it was a real BLAST for everyone else! (I love you, Dad!)

I hope that everyone had a great Sunday. Enjojy your family and friends as much as possible. LIfe is too short not to capitalize on every single moment.

Arena Football

Vaughn and I went to the Santa Ana Center last night with some friends to watch the Wildcats play football. It was quite an interesting night.

Arena football is like regulation football in all ways except the field. The field is only 50 yards long. The goal posts hang suspended from the ceiling and if a kick-off or punt hits the ceiling, it is placed where it lands.

We were sitting in the seats behind the goal post. Every time a team tried for an extra point, a crowd of grown men, teeaged boys, and male children would cram into the aisle for a chance to catch the ball. I found out early on in the night that if you catch a ball, you get to keep it. (Much like a baseball game)

In the the third quarter, a crowd of various aged males crammed into the aisle during the extra point. The ball whizzed over our heads and fell not far behind us. Immediately, a small circle of grown men began to fight over the ball...yes...I said FIGHT! They were grabbing and scratching and turning four shades of purpledy-red. One man with a crew-cut and a three foot long braid exploding from the back of his head finally emerged victorious by grasping the ball and leaping like one of Santa's reindeer over the seats (filled with people).

This spectacle was a therapist's cash-cow! One little boy of around seven years old was trampled and had to be taken out by his parent. While the rest of the young children stared in horror, the teenagers had a sudden glint in their eyes. (I believe that the glint was saying, "If these grown-ups can fight, so can we! Yee-Haw!)

This is my theory. There is a group of grown men that have never evolved past High School. This can be attributed to two things. One: they were high-school heroes at one time but sprouted a huge beer-belly and an inferiority complex. Two: they missed out on high-school heroics and are making up for lost time by picking on small kids. It's rather bizarre...and disturbing!

So, here is my hint of the day: No arena football souvenier is worth trampling a small child!

Rockin' News!

Andrew and Scott Leppelman did their audition at Grandma's music today. They loved their performance and will be scheduling a concert for them. I'll keep you all posted about the date and time when I find out. YEAH!!!!!

Artistic Interpretation

I was messing around in an old file and found an entry that was quite humorous. I thought I'd share it with you.

My son Ryan is an artist. Last year, he and his brother took a film class together. The teacher was quite the expressionist. He was very outgoing and flighty. He assigned them a film project: a short 2 minute film clip using abstract objects to emote happiness and sadness.

Ryan filmed his piece and brought it before the class to be reviewed. Once the class had watched it, the professor began to ask Ryan questions about his work.

It went something like this:

Professor: "So, Ryan, what inspired you to make this film?"
Ryan: "I'm not sure."
Professor: "What did the abstract objects in your film represent to you?"
Ryan: "It was mainly the stuff on my desk."
Professor: "Yes, Ryan, I know what it is...but what does it represent?"
Ryan: "I'm not sure."
Professor (becoming frustrated): "Ryan, did you have any inspiration?"
Ryan: "I don't know what you mean."
"Professor (standing in full lecture mode): "Ryan, certain artists will go out into the world and search for inspiration in nature or architecture or human nature. You might find inspiration in a mountain or a tree or a flower or a crying baby. The beauty or ugliness around you stirs your emotions and makes you feel inspired. So what do you have to say?"
Ryan: "Well, I don't do THAT kind of art!"

Welcome!

Welcome to my new personal blog space. I hope not to bore nor shock you. I'll keep you posted about my activities and such...except for what the dog ate and unimportant blogger fodder.