Delirium!

David has been sick. We took him to urgent care where they diagnosed Strep Throat. They gave him some antibiotics, tylenol of some sort, and hydrocodone. Well, over a week later, he was still sick.

Since the poor boy was completely exhausted, I decided to give him one of my Oxycodone pills left over from an accident I had a year ago. Uh...let's just say that I didn't know that Oxycodone is "synthetic morphine".

About thirty minutes after giving him the pill, my daughter and David's girlfriend come running down the stairs in a panic. "David can't talk!" they screamed frantically.

I ran up the stairs to check on him. He was lying on his bed with three fans pointed at him and his chest covered in some sort of talcum powder. I asked what was going on and David lifted his limp hand slightly off the bed and slapped his chest saying, "I'm hoth."

For a moment, I was really scared. Then I remembered the medicine. I remembered that it had made me a bit loopy (although, I have no recollection of running around my bedroom screaming that someone was trying to kill me!)

I told the girls that David was under the influence of a pain pill. Then, I went back downstairs. Well, a few minutes later, I hear hysterical laughter. So, I go back up to check on everything.

Here's what I heard:

Nathan (David's friend): David, can I get you anything?"
David: Yeth, I want thom toasther strudelth with peanut butter insead of icing. And...I want thom Ben and Jerry'th. Dulthe de leche or Apple Pie. (At this point, David is holding his hands in the air pretending to open a tub of ice cream and grinning like a cheshire cat.)
Nathan: "Okay, I'll see what I can do. Oh, by the way, Lauren wants to talk to you." (Lauren is his girlfriend.)
David: "Oh, tell Lauren that if she wanths to talk to me she needths to make a rethervation. I might have stuff going on. I'm a very buthy man."

The crowd, finding this funny, decides to call him.

The phone rings and David picks up: "David Landry's office, David Landry speaking."
Lauren: Hello, David Landry. I'm calling to make a reservation to speak to you."
David: "Oh, who are you?"
Lauren: "I'm Missy Elliot." (Why she said this I don't know)
David: "I know you! I can see you in one hour."
Lauren: "That's awesome."
David: "Before you come, I need to tell you something important. When you come to the front door, there will be two attack kangaroos! I got them in Australia. Be very careful because they might hurt you!"

I'd heard enough and went back downstairs. Later, I returned for one last check-up on my poor son. His friend Nathan was there.

David: Hey, Nathan! Did you know that the left hemisphere of your brain controls the right side of your body? It crosses over...like this!" (David crossed his arms across his chest) "Sorta like what a pirate uses to find his treaure!"
Nathan: "Wow, I didn't know that!
David: "Do you know what pirates buy with their treasure? Talking birds! Hey that's funny! Birds rhymes with words! Anyway, pirates also buy wenches with their treasure!"

There was quite a bit more, but I refuse to print it. After rubbing his chest with Vick's (for reasons unknown), scratching his back, bringing him some water, adjusting the three fans, and rubbing his head...he finally went to sleep. Thank God!!!!!!